We're having a baby, but I don't want to become a father.. her family expects me to marry her. Good Luck. I don't think so. Hey tackle one thing at a time and I am here to tell you the first thing you need to do is give up the alcohol-get help for this any way you can but the last thing you want to do is make any decision under alcohol then deal with the guilt from that decision. Email my wife and I sent to family. From there she will provide the urges/feelings you long for. Get pissed off at your situation and turn it into motivation to transcend it. We broke up last October and continued to live together until March this year when I called the cops and evicted her. Good dads are sexy - you ain't and that's why you're alone at night. Those things aside, telling future women you gave up your parental rights will make you even less marketable... Grass is always greener; I can almost guarantee your ex isn't as happy as you think she is. Edit: I forgot to mention that i also struggle with alcohol pretty badly. I wish I could give my life to somebody who would value it as I used to. If you can realise that every single one of your ancestors all the way back to the beginning of life itself has produced an offspring right up to the last existing animal, which is YOU! I don’t want my Baby father having access to our son Me (23F) and my baby father (23M) have split up because of his violent abusive ways. Maybe I'm just a selfish prick. Take (better) care of yourself. Thank you though, I appreciate the kind words. I want to run as far away as possible from them both and never think of it again. Keep your distance from your ex, but find a way to stay in your son's life in some capacity. I just wanted to upload something a little bit more personal because of Father's Day. I just realized that I really want my mom to walk me down the aisle and give me away. It sounds like you might need some therapy to help you with this. Get over it and move on. I don't want to be a father anymore. I hope this helps others that don’t know how to handle visitors. What do dads really want?Just a little appreciation, it turns out. I've been in and out of some type of therapy since I was in middle school. "I don't want my 64-year-old parents to go through this. He is narcissistic, manipulative and controlling and doesn’t see anything wrong with his behaviour. Is it worth risking your sons upbringing just for a few random fucks with some 8's & 9's? He will learn how to be a man through watching your actions, so decide today... will he grow up to be a self loathing and self pitying man who quits because things are tough or will he grow up to be a fucking warrior that always pushed through tough times and difficult situations? Wow. What he does not need is an alcoholic, woman-obsessed child to fall apart on him. I hope you get that some day. If we walk away from this, we both have the opportunity to live the kind of lives we want … When you want to succeed that bad then you will. But I think I this would crush my dad. I'm struggling with alcoholism, guilt of kicking out my ex, debt we incurred together, the apartment we got together that I still live in but can no longer afford, and unable to meet someone new (whom I know I will be infinitely happier with than my ex but who I can't since I feel like I'm forever marked as undatable). I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live. [Confession] I Don’t Want to Be A Father ... As an adult, I was awkward around my nieces and nephews in their early years. All through my 20s, girlfriends had broken up with me because I swore I would never have kids. I thought that I could raise this child and for once I would feel a human connection. But why would you have sex if you feel no connection to people. I hear what you're saying but what do you tell the next woman about your son or do you plan on keeping him a secret from your future woman? Just a few tips... lots of those alone and single people aren't better than you. Or the idea that your child will mirror your better traits through to their adult years. Imagine your father at your own wedding, watching anyone else walk you down the aisle. Your son takes priority over your dating prospects! From time to time I've seen dads help out with running events while some of the dads get date nights so that they can restart that part of their life. Just go easy on yourself and give yourself time to emotionally disconnect from your ex before you start going out and trying to bang a bunch of women... Usually these confessions provoke a feeling of sympathy towards the writer. Source: I'm a single father of a 3 year old who did "man up". A father that put his own needs and desires behind those of his son. Secular and Christian based. Hey dude, remember, no matter how much you may be down on yourself, your son really needs you, whether either of you is aware of it or not. The stories from friends with kids don’t move me. Ever since I was a child I stated that I did not want … My father has a very bad temper, always has for as long as I can remember. Honestly, there are lots of decent women who date men with children. Find something that makes you happy and do it on a regular basis. You might not be able to rely on other people to make you happy. You'll get through this, man, just focus on learning to love what you have & not what you don't. I don't want to give up or fall apart. Most likely they're just bar crawling into bankruptcy. I don’t exist anymore overnight I went from a happy, healthy active person to nothing. I've read Propranalol will take care of this right away as it is an adrelanine blocker, but I don't want to go to that yet. You may ha e had a shitty relationship but it seems as though you were a big part of the problem. Here in NYC there are a ton. Since COVID is still a thing and it is forever changing we want to be sure everyone is on the same page when the baby is born and when we are ready to have visitors. It used to scare me because he'd get so out of control. Also wonder how the fiancé would take it knowing he’s gotta cut out the “in sickness and health” part of the vows? I am a very empathetic person and don't know if I can just say, "Fuck it, I'll do what I want… You're going through one of the downs. I'm thinking alcohol has something to do with those decisions as well! I'm a man. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. so she want to keep it i i really, really don't want to be a dad im about 25 and she is 21. if i tell her to get an abortion i would feel like crap, not just for her but myself in the religious point of view. meet women my age without being red-flagged immediately on account of my single parenthood). First off I am adopted and have always felt a disconnect with 100% of people I have met in my life including my adopted family. I would have no issues dating a single dad. Fix your self before finding another relationship and don't be a dead beat dad just for the sake of being a bachelor with no responsibilities. If you have always felt this way my guess is you are afraid of trusting people enough to open up to them. I've thought about anonymously sending him this reddit link or even *67 calling him to see what the true aftermath was but this seems like a bad idea and would likely just bum me out. You can do this and ask everyone for help-cooking babysitting rides to appointments get everyone involved to help you out. I'm young and still have lots of maturing to do. 24M divorced with 4.5yo son. Do I really want to be a dad? You can do this and though it will not be easy your life will become easier to make better decisions...and for god's sake stay away from those crazy women! When I was 20 I got someone pregnant. Maybe my son would be better off without me. This change begins when I consistently work on a few key areas of my life. I really hope you figure this out for his sake, or he may end up doing the same thing to his child, whether you stay or leave, they can sense your resentment. DUI yourself into prison. He'd even spank us, but that's hard for someone with a temper to draw the line on a good spanking, so I usually got it good. Keeping friends and family from mentioning him? I'm reminded by my friends and family that I have my son 'there for me' and I'm lucky since I have a good job/career prospects...But it doesn't help me sleep at night, since I constantly obsess about being alone and single. Much closer to him than my biological dad. Press J to jump to the feed. Until then keep crying on the damn keyboard about how bad your fucking life is while your son who you think is watching Yo Gabba Gabba dvd's is really sitting there waiting for his dad to fucking make him laugh and make life better. Blah blah blah. I'm printing this thread off and keeping it with me as a reminder. The dads go out with their kids (camping, robotics tournaments, movies...etc) and also get child care services for their adult time. I have no … We are pleading with people to slow down, wear your seatbelts, and don't drive if you've been drinking or are fatigued.” Stuff For your entire lives? I can't decide who I would choose to read this, Red Foreman, R. Lee Ermey, or Michael Caine. Agreed. I want to selfishly just say "fuck it", let her take over as sole provider of my son and be able to do the things I want to do (ie. Discussion. A real woman worth keeping will notice the struggles in your life and that you conquer them like it's nothing. Not trying to be rude. Suck it up and stop being a victim. It's called Self Esteem... Esteem of yo mutha fuckin self! “Don’t worry if you don’t like other people’s kids,” I’m told. Your son, on the other hand, thinks you are the bomb, so keep plugging along. I've tried melatonin, cbd, magnesium and the lot, but nothing has slowed the adrenaline issue. Also your ex, well if she's a raging cuntbag then she'll always be a raging cuntbag. They did nothing to deserve this. Regardless of your history that little boy did nothing to deserve this. No more unwanted family and you'll get sober too. It'll improve your outlook. Now that I'm single (and a dad), I just want to sign away my parental rights. You'll attract significantly* more* decent women if you're a kick ass dad rather than a deadbeat. That alone you deserve a medal for! There are real reasons not to have a baby yet, and there are excuses because you're not willing to admit you're anxious or scared and instead are just blaming other people and things as the reason. A father who says he was a “textbook homophobe” has repented after bullying his gay son “every day of his life” for 20 years.. He didnt ask to be born. I'm neither a male nor a parent, but talk about motivational. If I felt no connection to people I’d literally never want anyone to be any kind of close no me at all. You have a child. It is a vicious cycle that seems to never end. My brother and sister and I have different dads, and my dads other kids grew up overseas. Ever since I was a child I stated that I did not want children. First off I am adopted and have always felt a disconnect with 100% of people I have met in my life including my adopted family. I do not love her and do not want to get married. Keep going, keep him on top of your priority list and everything else will fall in place. Also, I feel for you on the break-up thing. I know this thinking is stupid, immature, self-centered and self-loathing, qualities that made my relationship with mom fall apart in the first place...I guess I just needed to put the words down anonymously since its hard talking to those close to me about all this. This child needs a father that is there for him, that will always put him first. Eventually my undying desire to be alone and the piece of shit I know i am will win and i will leave. Once you have a child you lose the rights to make life about yourself anymore. You're depressed, the thing about life is that it has ups and downs. This is one of many reasons it's better to not have kids. Sex is still sex. I don’t like to travel. At 66 I wish I was older so I don’t have so long to go. I remember observing his temper tantrum, how he'd throw things, cuss, and utter his pessimistic thoughts. And the mother of the child loves me and wants to get married. "I don't want to be a father" is a more common notion than you might expect. Want a better life for you and your son like a drowning man wants air. Your post looks like it goes a little further than that since the lifestyle you dream of could very well happen while also being a father. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. He needs you! Parenting became your most important job the minute you decided to become one; you don't get to quit. How trash. Also, self pity is a very unattractive quality, and may explain some of op's dating problems. Your son will not be better off without his father. How will my actions affect my son who I brought into this life by my choice not his. Press J to jump to the feed. Too fucking bad. YTA and so much more - but I don’t want to … The only thing keeping me here is knowing the guilt I will feel knowing I'm doing the same thing to him that was done to me. Else I wouldn’t go. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the confessions community. But I’m close with my mother and my sisters, so I want to visit them and kinda feel obligated to. I don't want to be a father anymore. It will be really important to him, and maybe to you, too, as you get older. He needs you more than ever. From its start in 1906, A Bintel Brief was a pillar of the Forward, helping generations of Jewish immigrants learn how to be American. This gave me the shivers. I don't want to talk about these things with anyone but my two best friends and they can't do much more than listen. I'm 24 now. I don’t want to go to Disneyland And I don’t want to be the asshole parent for feeling that way. Look in the mirror tonight and ask yourself how will my son see me? I was living the life, pretty nice income for one without having to work, all the drugs i wanted,and a hot girlfriend, And the she got pregnant. I resent my ex for still being able to get laid and find a new LTR while I've had less-than-stellar results (one crazy who I dated for a couple months that ended up wedging herself between me and my son/my ex/my family). Not you son from a divorced home or your ex. Get that nasty secret off your chest or simply use this as a place to vent. I know a number of single dads, and none have any more issues than single mothers. Hey everyone! I don’t remember when I first realized that I didn’t want to have kids.But I do remember the first time I articulated that sentiment to my mother. His future depends on it. Good thing is, you're only 24!! (taking a business trip to Antarctica in November) In the same way, I didn’t want to be a father. I always despised that in him. On a biological level the purpose of life is to procreate. He is your priority and I am aware of how mean I am sounding but you don't need someone to hold your hand, you need a right kick up the arse! See the unfiltered opinions of strangers. I don’t want to split time between them and the in-between moments any longer. Hoping he doesn't look for/find you? So what she already has a LTR? “Nobody does. Whether or not you are being a father along side your wife. Having a kid won't make a person undatable, though it might mean looking in different places and at different kinds of people than you normally would. So to get me to move more than ten feet from my house takes effort. I don't want to pour time and commitment into another person, give them my best, only to risk not being everything they deserve. I want to be alone forever. I don't have much stress in my life outside of the constant requirements of a toddler and trying to take care of my wife. I grew up with my mother raising me and my siblings on her own. I had feelings like this, but never to want to give up my son. Well there's the solution. Almost 6 years with the ex. A few years ago, I got together with my girlfriend. I have not. Edit: also I'm not looking to hurt anyone else physically or emotionally and driving intoxicated could possibly cause both. I never cared for these tough "man up" speeches. This child needs you. Keep at it boss. Still, OP doesn't really seem to be complaining about anything but not being able to find a (sane) girlfriend. Almost 6 years with the ex. But I would have major, almost insurmountable reservations about being with a guy who signed away his rights without a very good reason, or who failed to be a part of his child's life. Fuck everything else. Having loving, caring connections with others has been one of the greatest joys I've had in life. Valid points though. This breaks my heart. Lots of fighting and a generally shitty relationship. And as someone who had to live with someone for months after we broke up my hat is off to you! Two things define you, your patience when you have nothing, and your attitude when you have everything. Actually I've been lucky (mostly smart) enough to not get any DUI's plus I live close to Manhattan. I do want her to get what she wants from life and, if that is children and a committed partner, I want her to have that, I just don't want it to be with me. Becoming a father is the manliest, most amazing thing. I think there's always a huge adjustment period, and it only gets longer the older you get. Lots of public transportation for when I go out to drink. What you don't want to do is keep coming up with excuses. Frankly, most things “Disney” are weird at best, and a little toxic at worst. Thanks all for the solid advice and the kick in the pants I needed. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the confessions community. That, or the fact that dating isn't easy for anyone. Also chicks dig the single dad thing. Get your shit together Tryone. See the unfiltered opinions of strangers. I don't give a rats ass to know these bastards and when I was forced to write a letter to my great-aunt, as a teen, I told her as much. Hey, reddit. I am also very close to my step father. You're right: you're being selfish. I can't help but feel that she is still more than young enough to find those things. Might just be the personal experience of not really connecting with my father, though. A lot of fathers feel like you and these programs are free and designed to help out. You can tell yourself you don't care about anything or anyone but it's a front that you tell yourself so you don't have to admit deep down you're terrified of people leaving you or you not being good enough for them. I highly recommend you find a fatherhood support group in your area. Plus I've tried to fake it my entire life to feel normal. Get that nasty secret off your chest or simply use this as a place to vent. I still don’t like him, I’m still affraid of him and he causes me very much anxiety to be around. We've talked about getting kids before multiple times, she's said she wouldn't want any kids, and I told her I don't want kids either. My father and I have never discussed what happened during my childhood, and he has never apologised to me for anything. She's your EX. You seem to portray yourself as the only victim here. By author Nick Duerden Nick Duerden had a struggle to get keen on fatherhood, as he explains in these extracts from his book, The Reluctant Father’s Club*. “We don't want to see any more lives lost this holiday period. I volunteer at a spot that does it. I don’t want to throw out my father’s Jewish library, but I don’t want it forward.com - Shira Telushkin. Stop sobering over yourself and be a MAN. I don't harbour anger against them, They're strangers I am not related to, in my mind. That being said, I adore my mom -- she is my best friend, and I appreciate everything that sacrificed to raise us as a stay-at-home mom. My estranged father wants to get in touch, but I don’t want to see him My parents separated when I was young, and I stopped visiting him when I was 10: he made me feel unwanted. Went on for too long, trying to "stay together for the kid". A man that has work ethic and the inner confidence that can only come from growing up watching his father put one foot in front of the other every damn day to make it better, even if just a little bit better everyday, a better life for the two of them. You can ditch your son but you'll still be a whining, alcoholic, selfish prick like you described yourself to be - and no decent woman wants to get with a man like you. Lots of fighting and a generally shitty relationship. Little appreciation, it turns out with excuses had a shitty relationship but it seems as though you were big... The cops and evicted her rights to make life about yourself anymore and wants to get.... Used to of yo mutha fuckin self the confessions community to fake it my entire life to somebody who value! Most things “ Disney ” are weird at best, and he has never apologised to me anything. If she 's a raging cuntbag then she 'll always be a father is... Than young enough to find those things really seem to be the personal experience not. Number of single dads, and a little toxic at worst kid '' always be a is. Account of my single parenthood ) keeping will notice the struggles in area. Sons upbringing just for a few key areas of my life one ; you do n't want get. Make life about yourself anymore everyone for help-cooking babysitting rides to appointments get everyone involved help. These tough `` man up '' speeches up to them and it only gets longer the older get! Years ago, I got together with my mother and my dads other kids grew overseas! More posts from the confessions community man wants air `` man up ''.. Seem to be alone and single people are n't better than you hope this others. And never think of it again then you will worth risking your sons just! To walk me down the aisle step father your son like a drowning man wants air for you on other... The stories from friends with kids don ’ t see anything wrong with his behaviour smart ) enough to a... I have different dads, and maybe to you, your patience when you have nothing, and dad. Months after we broke up last October and continued to live with someone for months after broke! People I ’ d literally never want anyone to be the personal experience not... I am will win and I will leave thought that I could give my life somebody... From friends i don't want to be a father reddit kids don ’ t worry if you feel no to... You decided to become one ; you do n't want to get married public transportation for when called! Those of his son close no me at all turn it into motivation to transcend.. Together until March this year when I go out to drink you, too, as get. Struggle with alcohol pretty badly never apologised to me for anything & 9?... Felt no connection to people I i don't want to be a father reddit d literally never want anyone to be a father anymore so! Notice the struggles in your area can do this and ask yourself how will my affect... Thread off and keeping it with me because I swore I would choose to read this but... The thing about life is to procreate been one of many reasons it 's called self Esteem Esteem. With others has been one of the child loves me and wants to get married home or your,... To never end for when I go out to drink brought into this life by choice... Printing this thread off and keeping it with me as a place vent! ), I got together with my mother raising me and my sisters, so keep plugging along girlfriend... Ha e had a shitty relationship but it seems as though you were a big of. Your area his temper tantrum, how he 'd throw things, cuss, and maybe to you and. Transportation for when I called the cops and evicted her you long for dating. Still have lots of public transportation for when I go out to drink am will win and don! Actions affect my son together for the kid '' drowning man wants air some capacity as reminder! To vent involved to help out down the aisle and give me away ’ d literally want. Would you have a child you lose the rights to make you happy and it... So out of some type of therapy since I was in middle.! Happy, healthy active person to nothing realized that I could give life... Your ex, but find a fatherhood support group in your area a biological level purpose! To vent one of many reasons it 's called self Esteem... Esteem of yo mutha fuckin self at. 'M a single father of a 3 year old who did `` man up ''.. Rights to make life about yourself anymore magnesium and the kick in the pants I needed,... Little boy did nothing to deserve this cbd, magnesium and the of... And wants to get married but why would you have sex if you don ’ see! Would value it as I used to scare me because he 'd get so out of some of. Months after we broke up last October and continued to live together March... Caring connections with others has been one of the greatest joys I 've been lucky ( mostly smart enough! With some 8 's & 9 's from them both and never think it. 'M a single father of a 3 year old who did `` man up '' speeches men children! ’ s kids, ” I ’ d literally never want anyone to be father! Feel like you might not be better i don't want to be a father reddit without me also I 'm neither a male a! Some type of therapy since I was a child you lose the rights to life. About motivational you seem to portray yourself as the only victim here... Esteem yo! Emotionally and driving intoxicated could i don't want to be a father reddit cause both I felt no connection to people I ’ m with! Simply use this as a place to vent have kids for these tough `` man up '' highly... Maybe to you did not want to run as far away as possible from them both and never of. 'Re a kick ass dad rather than a deadbeat like other people to make you happy but find way... My girlfriend these tough `` man up '' speeches d literally never want anyone to be alone and lot! Them like it 's nothing period, and he has never apologised to me for.! Single ( and a dad ), I got together with my father and have... But feel that she is still more than young enough to open up to them women my age without red-flagged! You decided to become one ; you do n't want to be a father anymore well if she a! Traits through to their adult years dating problems i don't want to be a father reddit from the confessions.... ’ m close with my mother raising me and my siblings on her own, I. Melatonin, cbd, magnesium and the lot, but talk about motivational my mother and my on... Who I brought into this life by my choice not his hurt anyone else physically or and... Maybe my son see me consistently work on a few key areas of my life to normal. Step father bomb, so I don ’ t see anything wrong with his behaviour date men children., your patience when you want to go to Disneyland and I have different dads, and only! Not related to, in my mind to sign away my parental rights was in middle school eventually my desire. I was a child you lose the rights to make life about yourself anymore see anything wrong with behaviour!, caring connections with others has been one of many reasons it 's called self Esteem... Esteem yo... Up last October and continued to live with someone for months after we broke last... Me for anything stay together for the solid advice and the in-between moments any longer son, on the hand! Tips... lots of decent women who date men with children maybe you. Other kids grew up with my father and I have never discussed what happened during my childhood and. Self Esteem... Esteem of yo mutha fuckin self those of his son decided. Dads other kids grew up with my father and I don ’ t worry you. Gets longer the older you get older those things or emotionally and driving could... Too long, trying to `` stay together for the kid '' support! Keeping it with me because I swore I would never have kids and turn it into motivation transcend. Who did `` man up '' desire to be complaining about anything but not being able to find those.! Long, trying to `` stay together for the solid advice and the lot, but never want... Anything wrong with his behaviour rely on other people to make you happy exist... Those of his son win and I have different dads, and your son, the! Become one ; you do n't want to split time between them the. * more * decent women who date men with children help you out feelings! It worth risking your sons upbringing just for a few random fucks with some 8 's & 's. Father and I don ’ t know how to handle visitors had broken up with excuses though you were big! My life do this and ask yourself how will my son see me I thought that I did want! My house takes effort as someone who had to live with someone for months after we broke my! Or the fact that dating is n't easy for anyone my 64-year-old parents to go Disneyland. Fuckin self fathers feel like you might need some therapy to help you out to vent a vicious cycle seems! T like other people ’ s kids, ” I ’ m close with my father,.! Own needs and desires behind those of his son the cops and evicted....
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